There are those who certainly love a clean colon, and I guess I cannot blame them, although cetainly it’s not something that occupies a lot of real estate in my mind. There are a lot of toxins in this man-made world of ours, and people can get antsy about getting them back out of their bodies. I’ve seen those shoe inserts on television, where toxins are supposed to be drawn out through the feet, and to me that seems to be a whole lot of ridiculous bunkum. Then there’s teas, and drinks, and fibers, and I’ve read that Lady Di was a fan off keeping keep in the lower bowelular region. I understand this, perhaps incorrectly, to be a sort of hosing out with a stream of water; and in that vein I’ve also seen photos of the (non-celebrity) result to which I have to say, count me in? or possibly, count me out. It seems a little alarming that that amount of material is clinging into the insides of you, and that can’t be good. I’ve read rumors to the effect that John Wayne had twenty pounds of rotting meat in his colon when he died. That seems a reservoir of toxins that no Japanese shoe insert could come close to beating.

Still, having something burrowing up in, as direct a method as that might be to extract the gunked up poisons and bound in wastes, seems as unpleasant as leaving it in, so the gentler method of using a colon cleanser might be a whole lot better and safer. Wouldn’t want to put a hole in anything, after all. Avoiding chemical laxatives would be prudent as well, I should think. It’s not detoxifying if new toxins were slung down there to crowd the old ones out.

All I know is, I don’t want to go like the Duke. Or Elvis.

I am hoping that once the elections are over that some of these celebrities will quietly sidle back under their rocks. There’s something about (to choose a victim at random) a drunken Tara Reid, who should have sought better advice on finding a surgeon for her tummy tuck, declaiming on her political views and the fate of America that rubs me the wrong way.
Seriously, if you can’t find a better plastic surgeon–and apparently it is pretty darned easy–how am I supposed to believe what you think about the Iraq war? If you aren’t able to do simple searches for surgeons by field and state, what are you going to tell me about social policy?

Nothing, I say.

We tend to mistake beauty for intelligence in society. But when we examine some of the beautiful people more closely, we see that they haven’t shown intelligence in their choice of doctors. Please, if you want to be intelligent–you actually have to be intelligent. Good doctors, good handiwork, are easily found if you shop around, ask good questions, and strive towards physical needs your body actually has, needs a good doctor will work with, reconstructively or otherwise.

Else–back under the rock with you!