had dinner at amy’s: fried chicken, green beans, peas, mashed potatoes. amy makes the best mashed potatoes. then we started to watch a really bad tape of swingers, which i didn’t really have the energy to watch: and it kind of depressed me, tell the truth. the two main characters: one of them just broke up with a girlfriend of six years; evidently he gets together with heather graham, but he sounded really pathetic. he sounded too much like me, and i was too tired to be interested in the film for its own sake.

well, we talked a little bit on the porch after, and she recommended just not thinking about it. it was a little more complex than that, sure, but it is a lot like that. i don’t know if that’s practical, or if i will accomplish is but simply giving in to despair. i am real good at that.

the catepillar is just sort of hanging there, rooted to the pot-hanger with silk. i wonder if they just sort of morph, or what. he doesn’t seem into making a coccoon or anything. i will have to research this. his horns are slowy twitching slowly slowly slowly.

leno has just absolutely destroyed gary condit. i would expect the man to sue after that bit . . .

work tomorrow! time to go to bed.

i had a long day. not necessarily because it was long, per se, but because it was in slow motion. it all moved very . . . very . . . very slowwwwwly.

after about a million years i found out it was only 9:30 am.

cripes!

ya see, i was still drunk when i woke up, and i hate that, i really do. it was the whiskey, of course, and i curled up like a dead turtled in its shell in the bottom of the tub and shuddered . . . mother of god. then i wandered into work, praying that nothng would be too challenging, and mostly the challenge was finding what th’ hell i’d been working on. once you lay it down . . . it just kinda vanishes. so i really couldn’t find it again by a methodical search, but instead by pacing around in circles until i laid eyes on it again.

it could have been worse, i suppose. it sure felt like it by 1 pm. at that juncture we had moved well beyond drunk and entered that luminescent world of hung-over.

i really need to do something about this. i really do. i need to think before i drink. i am tired of it. it is as if, one drink, two drink, maybe three then . . . all hands on deck! start putting it back with wild abandon. no thought for the future.

hmm-hm. very interesting. i should not do that. we do it so easily, My Set do.

well, the victor stands were great. we went to davey’s uptown rambler’s club and listened half the night to them, drinking heilemann’s Old Style and, ultimately, shots, dammit. i like mr special k, i do, and i wish him and amy the best. we shall see. it certainly looks as tho’ it could work.

amy owes me.

she and i may get together and watch a movie later. before that happens, i need to take a shower–i feel as though i were rolled in motor oil–and get something to eat. food would be a good thing at this point. i think winstead’s will be the best objective.

oh, and in more interesting news, i found a monarch butterfly catepillar outside work, crawling up the wall. after showing off my little white, yellow, and black striped friend off at work, and then taking to the paper source in case the paper source girl was there (she was not, but kelly was) i took him home. he walked around and around my hand, and i realized he was leaving strands of silk wherever he went. i put him in the hanging plant, and he is up on the hanger, apparently building some sort of support to hang his chrysalis off of.

i am interested to see if he can actually build a house, and come out a butterfly. i suppose it will take all winter.

i wonder how i’ll get him . . . or her . . . out when hatched out.

we’ll see then.

i am so drunk it is not even funny. o my god and i have to be at work in 6 hours! fuck! and i am in charge for all practical puporses! FUCK!

i told kyle, ’she is flighty but she is worth it.’

and she is.

amy says there is somene for me. such crap.

i will talk about davey’s uptown ramblers club later.

i will be so hung-over it won’t even be funny.

drunk.

and, by god, by whiskey! damn you, shane kampe!

that’s some big fonts there, livejournal!

at least all those links appear to be working . . . well, i take that back.

very strange!

usb buslink drives do not run with mac os x currently. that is ok: that will change some day, and updates of os x will make it run faster. it’s a sluggish son of a gun, far slower, i reiterate, than os 9.1

no matter! i don’t care.

pretty interface, tho’, if, to this point, a trifle confusing.

. . . but it does not recognize my buslink standalone hard drive. i am searching for a fix for this, but without it i am not too interested right now. (30 gigs of music is on it and i can’t access it with os X currently!) besides, i suspect it of running slower than os 9.1

just came back from a marathon session with ALR.

moral of the story - the boy is being totally honest! believe what he says. he ain’t BV, after all.

–but lost it. it was a scary dream, though, there were sharks and monsters, but i wasn’t personally threatened. it was mor elike watching a scary movie.

and this is the kind of thing i want to see more of in the world. pharaceutical companies are too arrogant:

‘RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (CNN) — Brazil’s government announced plans to break a patent for a drug used to treat AIDS and begin producing the medication by week’s end, health ministry officials said Wednesday.

‘The decision to make the drug nelfinavir — despite the international patent held by the drug’s manufacturer, pharmaceutical giant Roche — came after talks sputtered between the Brazilian federal government and the Swiss-based company.

‘In a statement, ministry officials said the country would issue a compulsory license to make the drug, and domestic production would begin Friday. The drug would not be distributed until early next year. ‘

off to yj’s.

. . . or is there a lot less posting at livejournal lately?

certainly i have been lax/busy the last couple of dayes.

speaking of lax, there’s a bassist at lovelorn. i have got to get my act together.

well, that’s not true. all the usual reasons, but at least i am not in a dark mood like i was last night. amy may be full of crap, but at least i don’t feel hostile about it.

i love this computer. it works. it burns cds inside itself. thank god for non-crashing hard drives.

*sigh*

but what a long day - and in a good way. i like days where you keep doings things, and they take forever, but you still have hours to go afterwards, you know? i started at yj’s, and girls that like girls ought not to flirt with you, but it is nice when they do. then to broadway, and girls that have boyfriends ought not to do the same, but it is nice when they do (if slightly alarming.) in between tuesday’s child sort of hinted again at going out, but i can’t do that again, that drove me mad. and i feel like an asshole, but . . . . what can i do?

fuck.

then i got home, and right when i walked through the door rizzo’s calling. so i go up and we talk about kyle, and talk, and talk, and god knows where this eis going to go, but we will see. then we go and hassle sam-i-am at the import place at 39th and wyoming or whatever it is, and drive another saab halfway around the city and show it to victor . . .

. . . long story short, amy plans (as of this instant) to keep the 9oo-S despite whatever lurking problems that she suspects and victor warns of, it’s a ten thousand dollar car in a six thousand dollar car’s body, and worst comes, she can get out of it and break even. beyond that, she owns it.

cars. thank god i haven’t one.

blah de blah blah blah. i’ve got a start on the new sparrow. i will print (or try to print! first test from graphite) a page of lyrics from el paso so we can gt going in earnest.

wonder what stephanie’s doing these days. i’ve not heard from her in a while.

and i got a letter back from janice, written on origami, two pages of which i can more or less put together, but the collest one, a dinosaur, i have no idea how it was made and thus it’s ruined.

o well.

so i’d best get ready to go back up to broadway and try to get some work done in earnest.

was an annoying day. nothing went quite right at all at work, of course, and it was crowded and hurried with few pleasant things. one of the good ones was the matsu girl came in again, and unmelted a little, so that was nice.

blah, blah. so blah. the graphite imac was a nice thing, too–and not a moment too soon, because lime took the opportunity to go bananas. email is working, dragthing is working, internet is working . . . all i have to do is add our other software and everything is ok . . . all else is backed up. it will take a little while, but that’s ok. *sigh*

i am tired, and that’s the truth. i wish i had more to say . . . amy’s kyle problems appear to have been cleared up, but mine abruptly loomed very large in consequence. when, in 10 1/2 months, i have no one, i shall make it a very noticeable point to tell her she was wrong, and things are as bad as they seem.

this entry sucks. tomorrow will have to be better.